Let's Have Dinner
by rachelthenerdfighter
Summary: Sherlock sends John a text after faking his death. Not a lot of Reichenfeels, but banter and snark instead. And Johnlock. Johnlock sexual tension.


I'm not dead. Let's have dinner. -SH

Please stop texting me. -JW

Why? -SH

Because it's rude and disrespectful, both to Sherlock Holmes and to me. Now if you have any decency, please leave me alone. -JW

But I am Sherlock Holmes. -SH

No you're not. Stop it right now. -JW

Why do you say that? -SH

Because I watched him die. Stop texting me. -JW

When we got back to the flat after chasing that taxi during A Study in Pink, you mentioned that it was the most ridiculous thing you've ever done. I replied with the fact that you invaded Afghanistan. -SH

Shit. -JW

Get in here, I need to see you again. -JW

I wish I could. -SH

Well why can't you? -JW

Because Moran is still alive. -SH

I don't follow. -JW

If you know that I am alive, he will kill you. -SH

What? Why? -JW

Moriarty. -SH

Ah, of course. -JW

I've put you in danger. I shouldn't have done this, I'm sorry. -SH

Don't worry, I'll be fine. -JW

Oh and please excuse my first message. Irene refused to help unless I used those words to contact you. -SH

Wait, Irene's alive too? -JW

I was under the impression she was alive in a witness protection program in America. -SH

Shut up. -JW

How did she fake her death this time? -JW

She had help. -SH

Duh. -JW

From me. -SH

You went to Pakistan. -JW

Obviously. -SH

Thanks for telling me. I truly appreciate it. -JW

Not at all. -SH

I was being sarcastic. -JW

Judging by the looks you gave her, I was under the impression you wanted her to remain dead. -SH

No, of course not. That's a horrible thing to say. -JW

I may not like her, but I don't want her dead. -JW

Apologies. -SH

Why don't you like her? -SH

Never you mind. -JW

I can keep a secret. Go on, why? -SH

No. -JW

Did you get jealous? -SH

Stop it. -JW

So you got jealous. -SH

I didn't say that. -JW

You might as well have. I did hear your exchange with her in the abandoned power station you know. -SH

You were angry that she was flirting with me, and yet you told her to tell me that she was alive. Why? -SH

That was months ago, I can't remember. -JW

Yes you can. -SH

Why do you care? -JW

Just curious. -SH

Yeah right. -JW

.

Well? -SH

Well what? -JW

Why did you get angry at her for flirting with me and for faking her death? -SH

.

John? -SH

I'm not answering that question. -JW

Yes you will. -SH

Make another one of your stupid deductions. -JW

I can't do that through text. Text doesn't convey emotion. -SH

Thank God for that. -JW

Interesting. Why do you say that? -SH

Shut up. -JW

Never. -SH

Besides, even if I were to tell you (which I won't), it's too important to say here. -JW

What is? -SH

Nice try. -JW

What if I am to die tomorrow at the hands of Moran? Do you want me to die curious? -SH

I don't want you to die period. -JW

Obviously. -SH

See this is why I don't want to tell you. -JW

What? -SH

Your stupid ego, that's what. -JW

Sorry. -SH

Excuse me? -JW

I won't repeat myself. -SH

The great Sherlock Holmes actually apologized? -JW

Shut up. -SH

I'm impressed. -JW

I'm rolling my eyes. -SH

Still impressed. -JW

That should give me at least part of what's on your mind. It's only fair. -SH

Fine. -JW

.

John? -SH

Still here. -JW

What's taking so long? -SH

I'm trying to put it into words. -JW

Take your time. -SH

.

I told Irene Adler to tell you that she was alive because I care about your happiness more than I care about my own bitterness. -JW

I see. -SH

Now can we please leave it alone? -JW

Not unless you want me deducing it for myself. -SH

Don't be a coward John. -SH

I'm not. -JW

Yes you are. -SH

Not everyone is as certain about everything as you. -JW

I don't know about that. -SH

How do you mean? -JW

You were pretty certain I was dead. -SH

Really? You only just told me you're not dead and now you're joking about it? -JW

It should be cause for celebration. -SH

Not laughing. -JW

What, was that not good? -SH

A bit not good, yeah. -JW

Ah it's just like old times. -SH

Okay that one did make me smile a bit. -JW

Excellent. -SH

Not much. Just a bit. -JW

Good enough. -SH

.

Oh. Hm. I've got it. -SH

Got what? -JW

I know what you mean now. -SH

What I mean about what? -JW

When you said my happiness was more important than your bitterness. -SH

Good on you then. -JW

Shall I tell you? Or do you want to tell me? -SH

I'm not saying a thing. -JW

Why not? -SH

Because you'll laugh. -JW

I would never. -SH

Uh-huh. I can hear the sarcasm in your voice. -JW

What sarcasm? -SH

Don't play dumb. -JW

Well you're playing hard to get. -SH

Excuse me? -JW

John I detest repeating myself. -SH

Please tell me that was a spelling error. -JW

Name one occasion where I have made a spelling error. -SH

.

See? -SH

Besides, how can "hard to get" possibly be a spelling error for something else? -SH

Oh God that really is what you didn't misspell. -JW

So how am i playing hard to get? -JW

You really can't tell? -SH

No I really can't. -JW

Allow me to draw your attention back to our adventure with Irene Adler. -SH

Oh joy. -JW

When we were in Buckingham Palace, and I was in my sheet, you asked me if I was wearing any pants. -SH

So? I'm sure anyone in that situation would ask the same thing. -JW

Before you asked, you took a look at my crotch. -SH

It was covered by your sheet! -JW

Did you want the sheet there? -SH

Of course I did! -JW

Are you sure? -SH

Shut up. -JW

A few days later you started a relationship with that girl. -SH

She has a name you know. -JW

Do I care? -SH

You should. -JW

Well I don't. My feelings were hurt. -SH

How on Earth did my relationship hurt your feelings? -JW

Make a deduction. -SH

I thought the only thing on your mind was shagging Irene Adler. -JW

Don't be thick. You remember how I was when I had an interesting case. -SH

So she was just a puzzle to be solved then? -JW

Essentially, yes. -SH

That's a bit rude. -JW

Well what do you want me to say? -SH

I don't want you objectifying them. They're people, Sherlock. -JW

Sorry. -SH

Two apologies in one day? This IS a miracle. -JW

Shut up. -SH

So why is my relationship with Jeanette so important to you? -JW

Same reason why my relationship with Irene was so important to you. -SH

It really is a very silly dance we've been doing. -SH

I don't know what you're talking about. -JW

Yes you do. -SH

I'm not gay. -JW

I'm married to my work. And yet here we are. -SH

Fine. I give up. I'll talk. -JW

.

John? -SH

Still putting it into words. -JW

Ah. Take your time. -SH

.

I like you. And not as a friend. -JW

.

Most people use the phrase "more than a friend," but to me friendships are just as important as romantic relationships. -JW

.

And your feelings towards me are romantic? -SH

.

Yes. -JW

.

Goodbye John. -SH

What? -JW

I have to stop texting you. -SH

Why? -JW

If I don't there will be very little stopping me from coming back to 221B and kissing you until my lips feel numb. -SH

Possibly more. Possibly less. I haven't quite decided yet. -SH

Wow. That was unexpected. -JW

After the dance we've been doing around each other all this time? I'd say it was anticipated. -SH

So you have feelings for me too? -JW

Last time I checked those who were "just friends" didn't offer to snog their significant other senseless. -SH

And we still can't see each other. -JW

I will call you as soon as Moran is dead. -SH

Promise? -JW

It will be the very first thing I do. -SH

Okay. Be safe. -JW

Of course. -SH

* * *

**Author Note: SHIT. I was NOT expecting this to become so popular. when I saw how many people reviewed it, I nearly threw my laptop onto the ground! thank you all SO much for your kind words. I have a Potter!lock story in the works, which will be longer and have an actual plot. and I'm working on _another_ Reichenbach return story (hopefully my last one, I need to do something different!) based on a heartbreaking gif set I saw on tumblr. just wanted to keep you guys updated. thanks again, and DFTBA!**


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